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Tuesday,
April 20, 2004
FORM A BUCKET CHAIN!!! My computer started on fire today. So it might be a wee bit before I post again. Sorry 'bout that. Stupid combustion. Stupid laptop. Stupid defective heatsink. - declared by Liusia @ 2:01 AM Monday,
April 19, 2004
I am in a folk orchestra. The UW Russian Folk Orchestra, to be exact. Now, you might say, "that is a really, really dorky thing to do with your precious spare time." But, you would be...okay, so you would be exactly right. On the other hand: 1)At our concert this weekend, this one woman asked me for my autograph. 2)My instrument case is shaped very strangely, and people frequently ask me what's in it. Sometimes I say, "A secunda balalaika," to which they reply, "jigga-whaa?" Sometimes I say, "A really big gun," to which they reply, "Oh" and scurry away. 3)We have a cool guy named "Hib" in our group. 4)My "traditional" costume is violently peach. 5)The song Troika (yes, that is us playing it) is inherently awesome. So anyway, like I said, I play the secunda balalaika. The balalaika is a traditional, triangular three-stringed instrument that looks like this: 
Of course, I play the secunda balalaika, which is basically a big version of a normal balalaika. So it looks something like this. 
Anyway, we had a concert this weekend in Illinois. I thought it was at a place called the Carl Sagan College, which would have been awesome, but it was actually the Carl Sandburg College, which is named for the author of such riveting works as Rootabaga Stories (no, I'm not kidding). Every time I go to Illinois, I'm reminded of why everyone from Illinois comes up to northern Wisconsin and rides jet skis annoyingly around our lakes all summer. Illiniois is really flat and ugly, guys. I'm sorry. And it smells funny. I know y'all have Chicago, and that's cool, but your state looks pretty much like someone tried to terraform Mercury but got bored halfway through and so just planted a bunch of crabgrass. But Carl Sandburg College was neato. It looked kinda like a high school, but your classier type of high school. Like a charter school. And the audience was enthusiastic, although I supposed you'd have to be to go see a folk orchestra on a Saturday night. Not that we're not awesome, 'cuz we are, yes sir. I would tell you a whole bunch about folk music now, but I think instead you should just go rent A Mighty Wind, which is a truly great film from the people who brought us This Is Spinal Tap. Also: Thank all of you for your well-wishes and congratulation about my getting into Teach for America! I'm super super excited. I've got a big long post about it, but I should probably proofread it before I post it, and right now all I want to do is sleep. So tune in tomorrow! For now, let's just say that, starting this summer, you'll be hearing about my adventures in a land even more alien to me than St. Petersburg ever was: Texas. - declared by Liusia @ 12:42 AM Sunday,
April 18, 2004
Standardization for Paul Bettany's Hotness a special guest post by Jessie, debate maven Proposal: Paul Bettany Should Not Be Hot, but He Is. 1)P.B. has a complexion that greatly resembles that of an albino, but this is offset with freckles. 
2)P.B. appears to have an eating disorder that causes him to appear emaciated. 
3)P.B. has poor posture and does nothing to emphasize his lofty inches. Learn to love your height, man! 
4)He appears to have no concept of personal hygiene, and as such is always in need of a proper haircut and a bath. 
5)He constantly squints, and has a shifty look about him. 
So, 6)His physical quirks add up to a man that defies conventional hotness, based solely on his physical traits. 7)Appears to have overcome his addiction to heroin, but has replaced it with a pot habit. 8)Has no qualms about appearing stupid in any of his roles, and is okay with being a figment of Russell Crowe's imagination (although, who wouldn't be?) (See: A Beautiful Mind) 9)Has embraced the Ewan school of perpetual nakedness. This should be in his contract, if it is not already. 10)Jessica likes men who are comfortable digging up dead bodies. And who know what rigor mortis is. (See: The Reckoning) 11)Has a raw sexuality that transcends all bounds. He is capable of embracing both standard eroticism and homeroticism. 12)Posesses actual acting talent, somethign that is all too rare in Hollywood pretty boys. 13)Plays Lindz and Jessica's beloved book character, Dr. Stephen Maturin. (See: Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World) 14)Is symmetrical, at least, which makes him fit a certain standard of attractiveness. 15)British accents and the ability to work a rumpled tuxedo make anyone hotter. (See: The Heart of Me) Therefore, Paul Bettany's hotness is not, in fact, inexplicable, but is the product of many clearly identifiable factors. As a result of this argument we would like to offer the following propositions: 1)He and Russell Crowe should never make a movie without the other. There needs to be a law, people. 2)If Jennifer Connolly (P.B.'s wife) would like to work out some sort of timeshare agreement, she should contact Jessica. On an unrelated note, this other guy is awesome! 
- declared by Liusia @ 10:40 PM I am with child.. to go a-botanizing! (This is a Special Guest Entry from Jessica aka Bones, by the way.) So, after two Paul Bettany movies in a row (mmm...Paul Bettany), L, John and I decided to actually enjoy the beautiful spring day. And be incredible dorks. The "backyard" of the apartment complex is marshland (or "mud puddle") which provided an excellent starting ground for our naturalist adventures. 
Alas (earwax), after a very productive botanizing trip,
we saw the enemy ship, the U.S.S. Icky Suburbanites,
and had to abandon our collections and warn our friends.
I couldn't move very fast, due to recent (ok, like 9 years
ago) surgery so John had to carry me.
~Jessica |
