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Wednesday,
March 03, 2004
Poor morose Ambrose. He seems to be having second thoughts about his internet romance, but I believe they are based on his own lacking sense of self-worth. He does not think he would make a decent mate. You could say that he thinks that a fish's wife would become nothing but a fishwife. (oh my God I am so sorry that was the worst pun ever) 
- declared by Liusia @ 10:08 PM Arrr! Tis the scurvy, tis! Oh, my God. This is the funniest damn thing I've seen in weeks. If you haven't heard of pro-ana communities, you are a lucky person; they're twisted websites promoting anorexia as a valid life choice and an acceptable way of maintaining a low weight. They are unbelievably creepy. But this...oh, the beauty. This is a parody, a livejournal community promoting...scurvy. Scurvy For Life Heh heh heh heh. - declared by Liusia @ 10:00 PM Tuesday,
March 02, 2004
A revival of American political discourse 
Oh, hee. While trying to track down the remaining books in Patrick O'Brian's series of British Navy novels, I came across a website with "Aubrey-Maturin in 2004" bumper stickers. I have to tell you, despite my political disillusionment, that would get me to avidly follow the election coverage. I mean, just imagine. Larry King: On tonight's show, we have the Tory Party's 2004 candidate for president, Captain Jack Aubrey, and his running mate, Dr. Stephen Maturin. Welcome to the show, Captain, Doctor. Aubrey: Thankee, Mr. King. King: Well, let's start off with the issue foremost in the news today, gay marriage. As you know, San Francisco is coming under fire for its decision to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples. What's the Tory position on this matter? Aubrey: Well, the law is the law, you know, Mr. King, and there's no two ways about it. And I really think gay marriage is just not quite the thing, you know? But I must confess I have always felt it was a great waste to hang an otherwise able seaman for mere buggery. But mayhaps Stephen could philosophize on the subject a whit? Him being a Papist, I'm sure he knows more than I about matters of paederasty, ha ha ha. Sorry, Stephen, just kidding, not having a go at your people. Maturin: [angry glare at Aubrey] The world is a hiemal, algid, brumal, indeed, a downright chilly place, and I cannot imagine that increasing the amount of affection in it could be construed an immoral thing. If two people, even two people with the same type of intromittent organ, can find some sort of love which makes this dismal existance more bearable, we ought not stand in their way. Aubrey: But Mr. Falwell does put his finger right on it, you know, when he points out that marriage is really for childbearing. Maturin: Ha! As though producing another poor bastard who will have to suffer his way to death is an admirable thing. King: [drily] I see your party doesn't place an emphasis on showing a united front. What's your stance, or, stances, as the case may be, on drug legalization? Maturin: Laudanum is a purely medicinal drug. A mere physic. Aubrey: Until, of course, you fall off a tower in Sweden. Maturin: Granted, yes, there should be restrictions. A proscription, perhaps, against physicing oneself while standing atop a very tall tower in Sweden. Aubrey: How is your leg, by the by? That was a prodigious long way to fall, my dear. Maturin: Jesus, Mary and Joseph, who is the physician in this room? Do I inquire after your...jib...sail...mainline...devices? Pray leave matters of my health be! King: I think the question of legalization refers more to marijuana than to laudanum. Maturin: What is this marijuana, pray tell? Aubrey: Oh, I've heard of it. A most curious plant. Mr. King, Stephen is a most illustrious botanizer. I trust that if you pose him any question about this marijuana, and give him a few bells to examine the plant, he'll smoke it. Ha ha! Maturin: [quickly] "To smoke it" being charming British slang for "to understand." Aubrey: My dear Stephen, you do lack a sense of humor! That was pun, or play on words! For you smoke - Maturin: [interrupting] Can we talk about the War on Terror now? King: Of course. Maturin: I think terrorists are sadly misunderstood. Aubrey: Which they should be hung from the yardarm until dead. Maturin: What if they didn't actually want to kill anyone, they'd even taken the hippocratic oath, for all love, but found themselves called upon by their people and their consciences to fight for freedom? Aubrey: Even so, they're just tilting at sawmills. King: Tilting at... Aubrey: Like that chap Quixotic. King: Tell me, just how did your party choose which of you was suitable to be the presidential candidate in this race? Aubrey: Oh, that's easy, it had to be me. The American people would never - sorry, Stephen - elect a Catholic president. - declared by Liusia @ 11:02 PM Ambrose's romance Ambrose, it seems, may be venturing into the land of internet dating. As you see in the tagboard field, he has captured the heart of one Sully-shovel. I told poor despondent bitter Ambie about this burgeoning attraction, and he seemed to perk up for a bit. But then he slumped back into his usual despair. 
Do not lose heart, though, Sully-shovel! For I saw him making little hearts out of his fishtank gravel when he thought I wasn't looking! - declared by Liusia @ 12:41 AM Monday,
March 01, 2004
All three both of 'em side by each look together in the face, hey? Hey? So, I got this lame-o "You know you're from Wisconsin, if..." email forward. Most of the stuff was pretty stupid, ("...you wear a fake block of cheese as a hat") but there was a list of colloquialisms included that kind of intrigued me. I've heard all of these on a fairly regular basis, and some of them I'd never even considered regionalisms - the use of "borrow" to say "lend," for example. And some of them had never even registered with me as being weird, like "comeer once" or "davenport." Anyway, to the list, with my own annotations and attempts to explain meaning and usage: ain'it, ain'it'hey - used like the British "innit?" or the German "nicht?" Examples: "Stevens Point is the most abysmal town in the world, ain'it'hey?" "He's an ugly bastard, ain'it?" My sister Jenni uses this construction all the time. believe you me - Weirdly enough, I use this in writing, but I can't remember ever saying it. "Believe you me, dying of the consumption sucks monkey balls. I should know, I'm bleeding out my aveoli as we speak." borrow - "Will you borrow me your 22-gauge? I have to go shoot the neighbor." bubbler - a drinking fountain. budge - to cut in line. "Don't budge me in line unless you want to lose a kidney." by - "Jessica comes by my apartment every day, because she doesn't have cable at home." cheese curd - Look, I cannot even believe the rest of the world doesn't have cheese curds. They're fresh little chunks of soft cheese that come directly from the cheese factory. They squeak when you eat them. There is also the bastardized version that is breaded and dipped in hot oil, but it's not a patch on the squeaky fresh curds. pry - probably. I'm very guilty of this one. "I'll pry regret posting this list of colloquialisms to my blog, because it's going to make me look like an even bigger hick than I already do." comeer once - come here for a second. "Comeer once and look at this badger hole I found, Bill! ...aaagh! My leg!" cripes sake almighty - Hee. My grandma always said this. "Oh, for cripes sake almighty, Mary. Stop yer bitchin." davenport - couch or sofa. Friday fish fry - do other parts of the US have this? All the taverns around here do it. It's beer-battered cod with misshapen french fries and diseased-lookin' coleslaw. And it's frikking delicious. Food poisioning makes things tastier! how's it by you? - "How's it by you?" "Oh, I'm fine. How's it by you?" hey - I don't even know how to explain the usage of this interjection. Suffice it to say it behaves much like, although not identical to, the infamous Canadian "eh." "That's one foul-tempered cow, hey?" humdinger - something impressive in scale. "That is a humdinger of a thunderstorm!" "Actually, it's a tornado, retard." look together in the face - to look similar. Said of people only. "Jess and Er are sisters. They look together in the face." Oh, yah - can indicate agreement, but can also indicate a neutral encouragement to continue talking. Like "mm-hmm." pert-neer/pret-neer - almost. Bastardization of "pretty near." "I pret-neer failed Latin class Sophomore year, because I am intellectually stunted, as is evidenced by my use of the word 'pret-neer.'" rubbers - not condoms. Galoshes. side-by-each - in a row. "I put the photos side-by-each on the table to compare them." skeeter - mosquito stop and go lights - Jeez, what else do people even call these things? Traffic lights, I guess. The red, yellow and green things at streetcorners. uff-dah - interjection. Used to express disagreeable surprise, but not dismal surprise. "I crashed my car, but no one was hurt." "Uff-dah!" Also used to express physical exertion. "Uff-dah, that was heavy!" un-thaw - This is horrible, an absolutely horrible perversion of the English language. I with, with great pain, admit that I have said it, though. It means "defrost." "Hey, will you un-thaw the hamburger so I can grill it?" whereabouts - "Whereabouts are you?" your guyses - 2nd person plural possessive. "Hey, is that your guyses car on fire over there?" Yooper - someone from the Michigan Upper Penninsula. vinegar cucumbers - they're not pickles. They're cucumbers, cut up and served soaked in vinegar. My grandmother and my mom both make these, and they also both pronounce vinegar with a ridiculously long "e." Like "vin-eee-gur." I know that "bubbler" is definitely a regionalism, but some of these, I'm pret-neer sure I've seen on TV or read in books. Are any of them familiar to you, dear readers? Or are they just freakish? - declared by Liusia @ 1:02 AM Sunday,
February 29, 2004
Microcosm of Madison: Volume One Okay, so, I found my digital camera. Somehow I accidentally kicked it way under my bed. This picture, I think, sums up about everything about my university. 
First of all, you have the clueless administration, who think that this silly and vaguely creepy sign will, somehow, reassure people and/or prevent crime. Secondly, you have the fact that Ogg Hall is the ghetto in the sky. (As you see, someone has written "Not in Ogg" between the first two "Our badger eyes are everywhere" lines.) Ogg Hall, for those of you who do not live in Madison, is actually two 13-story towers side by side. I lived in the wikka-wikka West side my Freshman year. People smoke pot outside the ventilation intakes, thus turning all 26 levels into some kind of crazy hotbox. (This is actually kind of cool.) There is no security, so stuff goes to hell on a weekly basis. The elevator never works. (I lived on the 13th floor. It blew.) The rooms were originally supposed to be singles, but now have two people stuck in each, and about 40 people sharing each floor's one bathroom. When the Lord of the Rings came out...well, just try to imagine the "Two Towers" jokes. The place is hell. Thirdly, you've got the pissy-lookin' Bucky Badger mascot. Heh. Fourthly, you've got the pretentious-ass graffitti artist who thinks he's being clever and original by making a reference to 1984. Microcosm of Madison. Right there. - declared by Liusia @ 2:16 PM |
