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Wednesday,
October 15, 2003
Runaway train, never comin' back
So,
I'm leaving for 10 days. My school group is going to Nizhny Novgorod,
Kazan and Moscow, travelling on the overnight train. Expect lots
of pictures of cupolas when I get back. Assuming I don't pull
an evil eye-related Anna Karenina at at the train station...
Here's a quiz to keep you busy in my absence.
- declared by Liusia @ 6:02
AM
Tuesday,
October 14, 2003
In which I submit to the blogger's vice
Yes,
that's right, quizzes. It doesn't matter that I hate the things,
hate seeing them in other people's blogs, and think they are
even more pointless than smilies. I take them anyway.
Every time I see one. It's an addiction.
I picked them up from this
journal, which is a great read, from what I've thus far
perused. Medieval history and sordid personal details - what
more could you ask for in online entertainment?

You are a Bolshevik!
Hooray! You've just overthrown the Tsar!
Now all you have to look forward to is the fulfillment of
the wondrous dream of Pure Communism!
Of course, you won't live to see it, because Stalin will have
you shot as a traitor.
What kind of Russian are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are: THEODORA (c500-548). The ultimate Empress,
who rose from bawdy actress to champion of the
oppressed. Her marriage to Justinian was
arguably the most loving and enduring in
history. She had many enemies at court, but was
a brilliant strategist and incredibly charming.
Which Byzantine Empress Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
- declared by Liusia @ 4:09
PM
In which I am cursed (maybe)
So,
yesterday, when I was coming home from copy-editing at about
11 pm, I might have gotten the evil eye put on me.
That deserves some explanation. Here goes. I was standing
on Nevskii Prospekt, waiting for the bus. An old lady came
up to me, and asked me where the telegraph office was. She
had a strong accent, although I couldn't place it. (The only
accents I can really pick out in Russian are British, German,
and Vaguely Southeast Asian.) I told her that I didn't know,
and apologized.
She asked me if I was a foreigner too, and I said, yep, from
Canada, which has become my standard lie. I figure Wisconsin
is practically Canada anyway. I mean, we don't even need passports
to cross the border! We have almost the same silly accent!
It's all good. But back to the story - she said that she was
from Kazakhstan, and as long as we were both foreigners here,
she had a secret for me, about how to find happiness in love.
I managed an "um, okay?" So she leaned in all confidentally,
and whispered out the story. But between the street noise,
the heavy rain, her accent, and the fact that I am mostly
deaf in that ear (stupid timpani drums - this is what happens
when spend 10 years playing the French horn and sitting right
next to them), I caught very little of it.
Then she was like, "Oh, no!" and reached up and pulled out
a few strands of my hair. "I'm sorry, child, they have the
sickness in them now!" As this point, I was torn between believing
she was crazy, and that she was trying some elaborate pickpocketing
scheme involving mad amounts of misdirection. She blew on
the hairs, and insisted that I fold them up in a piece of
paper. I pulled a newspaper out of my satchel, but she was
like, no, stupid, a piece of paper money. So I got
a 10 rouble bill out of my pocket. (I keep my bus money in
my coat pocket, and my actual money and credit cards and such
in my wallet in a more secure location.) She folded the hairs
up in the bill, then told me I needed to put it in the place
where I keep my money. I was like, dude, that would be my
pocket. She was like, no, your wallet!
So, I'm pretty weirded out to begin with, and now I'm visualizing
some accomplice or something just waiting in the bushes for
me to take out my wallet so he can grab it and run off or
whatever. I told her my pocket was where I kept my money,
and moreover, my bus was here, so I needed to go. And she
was like, no, get out your wallet, get out your wallet! Quickly!
But the bus was pulling away, and I was freaked out, so I
ran to catch the bus. As I was leaving, she yelled after me,
"Things are going to go very badly for you! Be careful, things
are going to go very badly for you!"
Now, I'm sitting in the bus, feeling like I just survived
the opening act of Macbeth, and trying to convince
myself that I don't believe in hexes or curses, and that she
can't possibly do anything evil with my hair. But seeing as
how I do things like regularly pray the rosary for my deceased
friends and family's souls, and Sundays at church I munch
on bread that has supposedly been changed from flour products
into dead Jesus, it's not much of a logical leap to start
worrying about hexes. I'm a credulous sort, definitely not
a Nietzsche-esque ubermench. So I'm getting pretty worried
here, no matter how I try to convince myself the old lady
was just some weirdo.
Later on the journey home, when I was waiting for a second
bus from the metro station, an kindly-looking old man approached
me. "Can you help me get to the metro?" he asked.
"Sure," I replied. "It's across the street and to the left
a few meters."
He looked sheepish. "No, I mean...like a metro token or something."
A bus pulled up, and I thought I might be mine. "I don't have
any, sorry," I said, hurrying off to read the bus number closer-up.
But it turned out to be the 27 and not the 22.
When I went back in the bus shelter, he was hobbling off.
"Oh, wait," I said, because I felt heartless for ignoring
him, and I snooped through my pockets to make sure I really
didn't have a metro token.
"I'm pretty hungry," he said, still sounding embarrassed.
He looked well-groomed, although old and sickly, so I figured
him for an impoverished retiree or something, probably having
a place to stay but no real pension to take care of himself,
and felt really bad that he'd come to the point where he had
no one to support him, and the Soviet government that was
supposed to take care of him in his old age had dissolved,
and imagined that he must feel awful having to ask random
girls for metro money...
"Oh, jeez," was about all I could come up with, and I gave
him the entire contents of my coat pocket, which added up
to about 55 roubles - not much in American money, but enough
here to get a decent meal and a metro ride.
When I caught the next bus home, I felt even more like
a character in a play, but that I might have just averted
a major disaster for myself. First of all, the old Kazakh
woman, then the old man, and next would have been, like, the
Ghost of Christmas Future, had I not given the old guy some
cash. I got home in one piece, not seeing any further apparitions.
But this morning when I woke up, I felt like I had a hangover
- terrible headache, queasy, light-sensitive - despite the
fact that I hadn't drank a drop. I decided to sleep through
my morning classes, and go in after lunch if I felt better.
Well, after a few more hours of sleep I felt a bit better,
so I headed in. And when I told Katia the story of the old
Kazak woman, she informed me that I probably had the evil
eye, because that's the way the Slavic evil eye works. She
said that according to her Slavic folklore class, if you tell
someone a secret, you are giving something to someone, which
means you have to "take something back," possibly cursing
them with the evil eye, even if you don't mean to. So the
old Kazakh woman was probably looking at my hair when she
told me the secret, and because of that, she thought that
was where the evil eye hit me. So she was trying to undo the
unluckiness by pulling out the hair and neutralizing the evil
with some ritual. But then I ran away before she could cancel
out the unluckiness.
I still think she was probably either a)nuts or b)trying to
steal my wallet, but tomorrow Katia is going to come over
to my house and do some crazy fortune-telling test with an
egg to find out if I have been afflicted with the evil eye.
So I will keep you updated on my evil eye status. Unless I
get hit by a bus.
- declared by Liusia @ 2:13
PM
Books I have on the dresser next to my bed:
The
Bible
501 Russian Verbs
the Kenneth Katzner English-Russian Russian-English dictionary
Timequake, Curt Vonnegut
Q is for Quarry, Sue Grafton
a collection of Ambrose Bierce short stories
Deadly Decisions, Kathy Reichs, aka the R.L.
Stein Award-winner
Fatal Voyage, Kathy Reichs, aka the Bad
Airplane Book
a collection of Edgar Allen Poe's poetry
4 Lemony Snicket A Series of Unfortunate Events
books in Russian translation
the Afisha guide to Petersburg (in Russian)
Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone in Russian
translation
a collection of Chekhov stories, entitled Death of a
Clerk and Other Tales (in Russian)
Stolen from Gypsies by Noble Smith, aka the best
pointless book ever
To Arms! To Arms! (in Russian), which I thought
was the translation of Terry Pratchett's Guards! Guards!
but turned out to be his Men at Arms instead, which
is almost as good
Azazel, by Boris Akunin (in Russian) - a dark mystery
novel starring a 19th century crime-solving monk
I think this reveals some disturbing facts about my personality.
- declared by Liusia @ 2:10
PM
Monday,
October 13, 2003
In which I punch a Gypsy
Today,
leaving school, Katia was attacked by Gypsies. For real!
This small horde of colorfully dressed short people swarmed
around her and started trying to grab her bag and go through
her pockets, not sneakily or anything, but right on Nevskii
Prospekt, in broad daylight, out in the open. They crowded
up around her so she couldn't get away or effectively
fight back. Apparently they were retarded Gypsies,
though, because Katia was with Sofia, Kait and I, none
of whom are tiny little waif girls, despite the fact that
I do have the galloping consumption. Seriously, I'm 5'9'',
and Kait and Sofia have to be about the same height as
me.
I myself took out several, including the one mentioned
in the title, who is gonna be feeling that for a while.
I don't think they managed to get anyone's stuff, and
they didn't injure anyone, although one did sock me pretty
good in the side.
In theory, I am in favor of a rollicking nomadic lifestyle.
I just think people should limit their rollicking, i.e.,
not attack my friends. Otherwise, I will punch them in
the face. I haven't punched anyone in the face since I
was 12, but I guess I still have the knack of it. It's
weird, because I thought I had some kind of compunction
against physical violence, but I didn't even think before
whacking the idiots. I'm a loose cannon, yo.
In other news, the radio here in the internet cafe is
playing, I kid you not, a soft jazz remix of the soundtrack
of the freaky evil videotape from The Ring. It
goes something like soft jazz jazz jazz jazz SKREE-AHH!
SKREE-AHH! soft jazz jazz jazz ping ping
ping SKREEE-AHH! It is scaring the hell out of me.
- declared by Liusia @ 7:36
AM
Sunday,
October 12, 2003
In which I play with Photoshop
I
like that there are big creepy angels in the architecture
all over the place here. It's very gothic. So, when
I was playing around with Photoshop, I turned two of
my pictures in super-broody .JPGs. Should I suddenly
decide to dye my hair black, wear lots of eyeliner and
sit in the basement contemplating the dark mysteries
(and reading even more books of depressing poetry
than I already read, I will have to use one of
them as the header in a new page design for this website.
They are just that broody.
The first one is the angel on top of the pillar-thing
in front of the Hermitage. It's bludgeoning a snake
with a cross. The second is St. Issac's Cathedral at
twilight.

They're angsty!
- declared by Liusia @ 6:00
PM
In which I acutally tell what's going on in my life
It
just occurred to me that I have posted nothing of
substantance all week. To rectify that situation,
here is a post with actual content:
Monday, I had my first day at the St. Petersburg
Times. It was lovely. I copy-edited a whole bunch
of things. I even fixed errors in wire copy. I am
that good, y'all. (And humble, too!) I realize that
sitting for four hours and copy-editing things may
not sound thrilling to all you sane people out there,
but I really enjoy writing all over other people's
work in red pen. I enjoy waging war against punctuation
abuse. Also, sometimes I suspect that I am a big bad
hack writer, and tearing other people's work apart
makes me feel somewhat better. I can say to myself,
"Heh heh heh, while I may not be able to create anything
original, clever or emotionally resonant, I at least
know that comma splices are unacceptable in professional
writing, unlike this poor bastard!"
Yep.
Then, when I went to my internship at the Journalism
Soyuz on Thursday, Chris the Librarian told me that
he heard I was a copy-editing whiz. And there is further
evidence that I am gaining a reputation for red-penmanship:
Trey, this other American guy at our university, asked
me to proofread something for him, because it was
going to be published in some business directory.
This is perhaps not the reputation I would have chosen
for myself, but as far as reputations go, there are
worse things to be known for, I guess. I should start
doing like I did back in Madison, and demand that
people who want something proofread bring me a tribute
of cookies.
It has also been a very artsy week. On Wednesday,
I went to the Hermitage. My camera's batteries were
dying, so the pictures I took came out quite terribly,
except for one, which looks sort of cool so I prefer
to think of it as "artistic" instead of merely "woefully
out-of-focus." But I'm not going to post it. Instead,
I am going to show you two blurry pictures of note:
This is the carriage Peter the Great had made for
Catherine I's coronation ceremony. It weighs two tons
and goes really slowly, so it was only used twice:
for Catherine I's coronation and Elizabeth's coronation.
While Peter the Great was, of course, super-cool,
the first thing I thought when I looked at this was:
"this is the kind of thing that makes the
proletariat want to revolt. " It's just poorly-thought-out
to go tooling around the streets in a carriage entirely
encrusted in gold when a huge chunk of your population
can't even afford food.
Then, there was also this room:
I wandered into it randomly, and I have no idea what
it is. It's just this alcove, off by itself in a hallway,
and entirely distinct from the surrounding decor.
It seems to be some kind of a throne room, or perhaps
an altar to Peter. See that chair? Yeah, that'll give
you a sense of the dimensions of the thing. The picture
is definitely Peter the Great, and I assume the chica
with him is his wife Catherine. I do not know. But
it is pretty.
Wednesday night, we went to see the ballet Midsummer
Night's Dream at the Marinsky Theater. Normally,
I am not a big ballet fan. I mean, I don't dislike
it, but I get bored very quickly, because people jumping
around for two hours is not enough to hold my admittedly
capricious interest. But this ballet was cool, 'cuz
for one thing, it was performed by a company from
La Scalia, and they were all graceful and in-sync
and such. It was also cool because it featured things
like a dude with a donkey head, which brightens up
any performance. And the guy who played (danced?)
Puck was hilarious. Puck annoys me a lot of the time.
He's too spastic. (My beloved Stanley
Tucci gets a pass on this one, of course.) Also,
fairies and suchlike irritate me in general, being
all cutesy and mischevious. But this guy was great.
Here is a picture of the Marinsky Theater's chandelier.
I have read The Phantom of the Opera one
too many times, I guess, because every time I see
a chandelier in a theater or opera house, I start
to worry.

Save us, Raoul, save us!
We also went to see the opera The Queen of Spades
on Friday and the ballet Don Quixote on Sunday.
Both were very enjoyable, although I have to admit
that I have not yet read The Queen of Spades,
and therefore was ridiculously confused. But the music
was awesome and the staging was dramatic and I have
to send some serious mad props to the stage crew,
who made this awesome-lookin' gate thing that clanged
shut in front of the stage after every act. There
was some extreme weirdness in Act III, though, when
a bunch of guys in blackface dressed like something
out of Arabian Nights came out and danced
with a bunch of girls dressed like cheery Russian
peasants, and they all sang a happy song. It was inexplicable.
Don Quixote was great. Katia, who knows all
about ballet and suchlike, did not think it was as
good as Midsummer Night's Dream, but I was
suitably impressed by all the windmills and flamenco
and the live horse onstage that I didn't notice
this. Dude! There was a live horse!
So that's pretty much it. I saw a lot of arty things.
I did some copy-editing. The weather was terrible,
but this is St. Petersburg, so it's to be
expected. All in all, a good week.
- declared by Liusia @ 4:39
PM
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