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Friday, September 05, 2003
In which I pose as a headless Greek goddess, and understand O. Henry
Yesterday, Tolio came home from wherever he was, and he brought a lot of fruit, so maybe he was in the countryside? Who knows. I suppose I could ask, but it's reached the point of awkwardness, so I probably won't. At first I though he was standoffish, but it turns out that he's pretty much deaf, so that explains why he doesn't talk much. Other than that, he's really spry for his age. You should see him sprint to get the telephone.

Class was pretty dull both Thursday and today, so this afternoon I talked to coordinator Erin about getting moved up a level. She said she'd talk to my professors this weekend, and if they felt I should be bumped up, then I could. So we'll see.

On our lunch hour, we discovered this sign:


I have to go here.


But the real events of interest occurred after class today. Kate and I headed over to the Hermitage, where students get free admission. We could only stay a little over an hour, but what we did see was very cool. Entering, we ran into another classmate, Jenny, and the three of us made it through the Egyptian exhibit, the ancient Greek exhibit and most of the ancient Roman rooms.


The inner courtyard


The Egyptian exhibit included a mummy, displayed with its multilayered sarcophagus and other burial paraphanalia. I'm torn. On the one hand, mummies are of historical interest, and this one was treated pretty respectfully. On the other hand, the whole idea of an Egyptian mummy was to put it someplace with all its stuff so it could be ready for the afterlife, so digging it up and sticking it in a museum seems pretty sacriligious. I know that leaving them in the City of the Dead and whatnot leaves them open to graverobbing, but something else could be done...

But it was cool.

There was quite a bit of other stuff, but the other item that really grabbed my interest was a writing set used in ancient Egyptian times - a box full of brushes with an inkwell and other little items. It's just so personal. I can't help but wonder about the person who used it.

The Roman rooms contained the real entertainment, though. For example, here's a statue of Eros riding an vicious-looking fanged dolphin:



And I'm not sure why this statue of Hermes cracked me up, but it did. I mean, I know it's the goofy little wings on his head, but I think the fact that someone gilded them makes it funnier. Maybe it's just me.



We also posed in front of various statues, mimicing them. Yeah, I know, touristy. But it was amusing. This one in particular is great. I normally don't post pictures of myself or people I talk about in the blog to the blog, as I figure I'm already stalkable enough without giving psychos a photographic guide. But this can be an exception...



We waited until everyone was out of the room to take it. Little did I know that after I pulled up my gigantic turtleneck, a huge horde of Spanish tourists entered the room. After Kate finished the photo, I uncovered my head to discover them laughing. One dude was actually clapping.

I took a half-assed bow, and we hurried out of the room. I'm sure my face was as red as my shirt.

The art and history was fascinating, but I think the true beauty of the Hermitage is the architecture itself. For example, in this room, the Greek pottery was cool, but the ceiling is awesome:



And here's the archway entrance to the courtyard:



This is my favorite picture from the trip.



After we left the museum, Kate and I took the metro to meet Katia and Anton. The metro was the usual ordeal; this time, the traincar stopped underground under one of the canals, and we heard giant wooshing noises. I was convinced that we were going to be hit by a train; Kate thought it was a flood. Neither occurred, so I guess it was a ghost train. Or a ghost flood. The car started up again, and we escaped in one piece.

Happy to be alive, we went to see a play. It was a variation on that O. Henry story where the circus guys kidnap the red-headed kid. It was laugh-out-loud funny, and I'm happy to say that I understood at least half the jokes. My Russian must be better than I thought.

- declared by Liusia @ 1:20 PM


Wednesday, September 03, 2003
In which I am devoured by the Russian mass transportation system, and buy an electrical cord
Tuesday:
I don't even want to talk about breakfast. Suffice it to say, my stomach is going to explode. And she made me take an apple and a banana. And wear boots, because it's cold and I could get sick and if I get sick I'll die.

I took myself to class this morning. Sonya wanted to go, but her arthritis was acting up, so I said I would go alone so she wouldn't stress her leg and hurried out before she could argue.

At the tramvai stop, there was this guy. Someone must have told him that he looked exactly like Sergei Bodrov Jr., because he had dressed himself like the Danila character from Brother, had the same haircut, and was rocking a cd player. He did look a lot like Bodrov (except, like, not dead in an avalance) although, weirdly enough, somewhat more conventionally attractive. But less sexappealny (that's an actual Russian word, yo.)

On the metro, I was accosted by either the world's worst pickpocket or Russia's stupidest molester. He was all groping in my pocket, which meant he was grabbing my ass. (The metro is pickpocket heaven - people are crowded in so closely that you can't tell if someone's just bumping you or robbing you.) Luckily, I am too cool for words, and without even looking at him or changing my expression, I caught his wrist in my viselike, sharpened fingernails grip, gave it the death squeeze, then shoved it away from me. After that, somehow, despite the dense crowd, he managed to scurry away from me. Heh. And it was just that smooth, you guys. (Look, I need to gloat about how cool I was here, because when you hear the Story of How I Got Home, I'm going to lose what few suave points I have.)

Upon arriving at school, I discovered that I'd been placed into the 2nd group. Not bad - 1st is the highest, but 2 out of 7(? I think it's 7 total) is pretty good.

Professor Nickolai is my Russian-for-foreigners grammar teacher. Dude, he even has Nicolas Cage twichy mannerisms. Maybe he really is Nicolas Cage.

I had my first literature class and my first media class. Both of them were kind of...easy. Unnerving.

No luck in the search for an adapter or plug, despite Anton's help.

Yeah, okay, the trip home. So, I go to the Nevskii Prospekt metro station, and it's closed. All right, no problem. I take the tramvai to the next metro station. I manage the metro without significant difficulty. The real fun starts when I get to the metro station nearest Sonya's apartment, and try to catch the tramvai there. I go to where the tramvai stopped yesterday. A tramvai drives up. Passengers disembark. I go to get in. The conductor yells something unintelligble at me (seriously, I think he was speaking Ukranian), possibly about the train being out of order. Okay. I wait for the next tramvai, and this one, when I manage to shove through the crowd and start to get in, closes the doors on me and I barely escape being dragged down the tracks. Bruised and pissy, I decide that the bus is a better bet. I go to the clearly marked bus stop, and proceed to wait. For a half an hour. A crazy-looking woman approaches me and asks if I've ever had my portrait done. I reply, cleverly, "um, what?" She says, "oh, you're a foreigner, sorry," and hurries away. Yeah, I have no idea what that was, except that apparently I even have an accent when I say the word "shto" ("what"). Finally, the bus comes. I go to get in. The conductor informs me, actually quite pleasantly, that this is the bus stop for the passengers to get out, not get in. Understandably, I am confused, because then, why is it even labelled on the street? But I have learned that Russia is crazy, so I ask her where the getting-on bus stop is. She points it out. I thank her, and go to the other bus stop. I wait for a half hour. No busses come. Fed up, I hail a taxi-bus and pay the extra for it to take me straight home. (Okay, so the taxi-bus was 12 rubles, about 50 cents, versus 6 rubles, about 25 cents, but it's the principle of the thing. Plus, the taxi-busses are really scary. The drivers are insane.)

I get home, quite late. I tell the story to Sonya, who decides that that means I need to eat more to fortify myself against these terrifying experiences. Le sigh.

Sonya and I spend the evening watching Russian soap operas, which are beautiful, beautiful things. There's this one, set in the 50s, called "Two Fates," about these girls who are married to these guys who are part of the Soviet bureaucracy, and always in danger of the gulag and whatnot, and the one girl is pregnant with the bad guy's baby, but her husband thinks it's his. And there's another one, actually a Brazillian soap opera dubbed into Russian, that takes place just before WWII, and is about these wacky Brazillian Jews. And then we watched a show called "Wait for Me" where the show reunites long-lost friends and relatives, like sisters who lost each other in the war, or kids who ran away from home, or this girl whose dad went to America right after she was born and then her mom divorced him and she never got to see him. And the great thing is that no matter how the people got separated, they always just seem happy to see one another.

Wednesday:
Today, Sonya decided that she needed to take me to school, because of yesterday's Bad Mass Transport Experience. And today I had to bring three apples with me.

We got off the metro at the stop at the top of Nevskii Prospekt, and she decided that I was capable of taking the bus down the street by myself. Um, that was a mistake. I got on going the wrong way (don't ask) and ended up in a different commercial area. So I got off, and got on a bus going the correct direction, but I ended up getting off that bus after about five minutes because I saw the Holy Grail.

In the window of of a super-iffy looking store, a sign said "Notebooky." Since a notebook in Russian is a "tetrad," I assumed this meant computer notebooks, and I was correct. I decended into this sketchy, sketchy basement outlet store, where four suited men stood in a perfect row, like soldiers at attention. Behind them was a counter with a row of laptops. There was no other computer sequipment visible. Despite the weirdness (and the fact that I was obviously in a mafia front) , I forged on. "Good day. I'm searching for a plug, cord or adapter, for I purchased a laptop in the United States, and given the difference between elecrical systems, of course it does not work here," I said in my ridiculously rehearsed, dictionary-assisted Russian.

Suit #1 looked at me appraisingly. "Without seeing the cord you have, I'm not sure what you need," he answered.

"I have the cords with me," I said, whipping them out of my sachel with a flourish, prepared for just such an eventuality.

He took my laptop cords, examining them closely. Then he called on Suit #3, addressing him as "Sashka," and they examined the cords together, murmurring. Then Sashka disappeared behind the counter, and emerged with a misshappen little device, and attached it to my power cord. Then the two of them examined the cord some more.

"Will it work?" I asked.

"We can't be sure," Suit #1 replied, continuing to stare at the cords. Then, he had an idea. He tried plugging the cord in.

The light on my surge protector lit up.

Huzzah!

"How much?" I asked

"For you? Nothing," Sashka said.

After that, I ran into Katia at the Nevskii Prospekt metro station. And here began another adventure in Russian mass transit. We were supposed to go to a certain stop to meet our classmates to go see the US Embassy and the European medical clinic, so we'd know where they were. First of all, like complete dorks, after the first leg of the metro trip, we ended up exiting the station instead of transferring lines. When we tried to go back in, the machine ate Katia's card, and made horrible noises at us. So she went and talked to the ticket-seller, who fixed it somehow, and then we got back on the metro. We called the group leader Erin's cell phone to say we were going to be late, and she said she'd have someone wait for us. But when we made it to the correct stop, the only person there was this guy Trey (also from our group) who was only there because he was late too. And there were some guys playing the accordion. So we tried to call again, but the phone wasn't working, and we had to find another phone, and that one wouldn't work either, but on the third try we got Erin, and she said they were just around the corner, but obviously they weren't, because they never showed up.

So we called again and this time she gave Trey directions to the clinic, and told us to meet them there, but then Trey walked off all fast and left us behind, so we decided "screw this, it's time to find a damn toilet anyway." So we followed a sign that said "toilet, 50 meters" and pointed at this building about 50 meters away in the middle of a pretty park. We went to the building, but it turned out to be the clubhouse for an organization of interior designers, and when we went inside, all we found were zillions of vases and flowers and no public bathrooms at all.

Finally, a little older lady came out, and we said that we were lost and looking for a bathroom. She asked if it was bad. I replied, yes, it is bad. So she offered the interior designer's bathroom. Then, we tried to leave, but the door was apparently locked. I tried pushing on it a bit, but it just made an ominous cracking noise, so I quit that. The lady noticed our problem, and came over and asked if the door was trapping people again, then taking a running start, footballer bodyslammed the thing, and it burst open.

So we walked a few blocks, and discovered that we were on the street Katia lives on, so we caught a bus and headed for her house to find a restaurant, because by this point, despite the excessive fruit, I was pretty hungry. But there was a big fight on the bus between the conductor and this woman who claimed to be an invalid but didn't have a bus pass (elderly people and disabled people get free mass transit passes) and when the fight came to blows, we decided to hop off. But we found ourselves next to a bakery, so we went in and got delicious rolls, and called Anton, who met up with us, and Erin, who informed us that we were supposed to meet at the Fontanka at 6 pm for a canal ride. Trey had told us that we were supposed to meet at "either 8 or 18 hundred, don't know which" at the Trotsky Bridge, so it was a good thing we decided to call her.

So we met up with the group and went for a boat ride, which was really touristy but really fun. Here are some pictures:


The Circus. I just like the light effect in this picture.



Peter the Great's modest house



The Engineering Palace



The Hermitage



The Admirality



St. Issac's Cathedral




Surprisingly, I managed to make it home after this without incident.

This place is so surreal.

- declared by Liusia @ 1:19 PM


Tuesday, September 02, 2003
In which I am adopted, and sent off to be taught Russian by Nikolai Cage
Sunday at three, I packed my bags and said goodbye to the awesome brown hotel room, praying that my host family would also have such amenities as hot running water, electricity and a phone. With a certain degree of trepidation, I headed to the 3rd floor lounge, where we were supposed to meet our host families.

I was greeted by a short, robust older lady with crazy grey hair and pretty eyes, who somehow managed to give me a hug and a kiss on the cheek despite the fact that she's about a foot and a half shorter than me. Sonya. I think it's safe to describe her as a "character," although I kind of hate that use of the word. "Oh, he's such a character" is usually code for "get your crazy drunk uncle out of my house." But she really is. (A character, not a crazy drunk uncle.) We took a taxi to her apartment, and the entire way, she explained to me in detail the approximately 10 million modes of transportation that reach her neighborhood. For the record, you can take any combination of about 10 busses, 5 tramvai (a tramvai is kind of this electrical trolley thing) and two metro lines. She also rattled off the entire history of Aleksandr Nevskii Square as we drove past it, periodically consulting the cabbie on the finer points of history and transportation. He grunted in reply.

Eventually, we reached the apartment building. Basically, it's a tenement. That sounds really negative, but it's not so. See, you know how in the US a lot of the time people put a lot of work into keeping their yard all pretty and their house all presentable and then the interior is just nasty chaos? It seems to be just the opposite in Russia. The apartment building is hella sketchy, down to the evil clanking lift, wild dogs and the complete lack of lighting, but as soon as you go through the series of giant security doors and step into the apartment, it's like entering another world. It's bright and cheery, with fresh paint and lovely wood and tile floors, full of puffy, brightly colored chairs and well-stocked bookshelves.

When we walked in, I was accosted immediately by a big rangy black mutt. This was a surprise, as the letter had only mentioned a cat, but a pleasant one - I love dogs. They're not mysterious and capricious like cats.

(I'm afraid of cats. I know it's a ridiculous phobia, but there it is. When one jumps out at me, I consistently scream. I don't like their creepy glowy eyes in the dark, either. I think this phobia is related to the network of scars on my left arm - when I was three or four, one of our stupid barn cats attacked me. So, in summary, I was happy to see the dog.)

Sonya spent about a half hour relating the dog's life story. I'll summarize it: The dog was homeless, but Sonya's friend took it in last winter, taking pity on it because it was starving to death and its eye was infected and swollen up. It turned out to be a good house pet, so her friend kept it, but now her friend went to dacha for a fall vacation, so she's taking care of the dog. I think the dog's name is Dina, but Sonya pretty much calls it "Khooliganka" or "Durotchka" ("Hooligan-girl" or "Stupidetta," basically.)

After a half hour of canine biography, she offhandedly mentioned that her husband (who is pretty frikkin' old...like 80) was gone somewhere for a few weeks. I guess she felt the dog was more interesting, athough I am curious as to where an elderly Russian man could disappear to alone for long periods of time. Other than a drinking binge.

My room is really nice. It's huge. It's like three Ogg Hall dorm rooms put together, except cheerfully decorated and pleasant. Also, the water DOES run and the electricity DOES work, so that's three out of four. No telephone. I can live with that.



About five minutes after coming in, Sonya asked me if I wanted a snack. I said, "sure." That was a mistake, my friends, because by "snack," she meant a giant bowl of soup, some kind of meat and vegetable salad, meat-filled blini, an entire tomato and three cups of tea. Oh, and tea cakes. I said I was full about five times, but it didn't work, the food just kept coming. It was good, it was just...oh, my God. Finally, when she offered to make me a sandwich, I hit on the strategy of yawning theatrically and saying I had jet lag, upon which she immediately insisted that I go take a nap straightaway because it's not good to be tired, you can get sick and if you get sick, you die. (I've since this learned that everything that is done in Russia is done to avoid getting sick, because if you get sick, you die. More on that later.)

So I slept for a few hours. When I woke up, she was cooking again. This time it was some crazy concoction of zuchini and garlic. Dude, I don't know, it was actually pretty good, but just too weird. She asked me if I liked it, and I said yes, but I preferred the meat dishes from earlier. She expressed huge relief, telling me that all the silly Amerikankas just ate vegetables and while vegetables were good, meat was much better for you (if there's not enough meat on your bones, you can get sick and die), especially in the winter, and she was so relieved that I wasn't silly about food.

She also told me that she never had any kids, so she likes having exchange students to fuss over. I'm exchange student number 7, and apparently, the first one not named "Jenny" or "Jessica."

She was also relieved that I brought slippers, because without house slippers, you can catch a cold and get sick and...you know the drill.

If I don't die of some kind of stomach impaction, this place is going to be great.

Monday:
I got up at 8 am, and Sonya had breakfast ready. Dear God, did she have breakfast ready. I got a giant omlet, sweet blini with jelly, a tomato, a cucumber, two cups of tea and an apple. She also insisted that I bring an apple with me, because I might get hungry. I don't think that's possible at this point.

I pointed out that the apple wouldn't fit in my little purse. In response, she crawled into the hall closet (which looks to be about two inches deep, but somehow she completely disappeared into the thing. Magic?) There was a spectacular crackling noise, and I heard her muffled muttering in Russian (an incantation?). Finally she emerged with a big black purse (that she conjured?). "Vot," she said.

I've resigned myself to the fact that nothing here makes sense.

So, she took me to school. First we rode the tramvai, then we rode the metro, then we emerged from the metro's fabulously decorated (no, for real, Russia's metro stations are works of art) depths to see the giant church-thing that is right next to my university. She explained to me that it's the Kazansky Sobor (Kazan Cathedral) and it's really old. No further details were forthcoming. I will have to do research.

I managed to convince her that not only could I make it to the apartment that evening on my own, but that Katia and I were going to do some shopping first and I promised, promised we wouldn't be mugged or get lost.

Pretty things I saw on my way to school:

The Church on the Spilled Blood, built where Tsar Alexander II bit the big one


The old Singer sewing machine factory, now a bookstore


School today consisted of a really easy written placement test, an oral interview, and a meeting with the other American students. The classrooms are beat-up and old, so I feel right at home (ahh, Van Hise Hall, how I miss thee) and the teachers are quite solicitous. One of the weird things about Russia is that everyone goes around looking pissed-off and forbidding in the streets and in shops (and in the bank. Stupid bank girl) but in personal interactions, are very warm and friendly. This is something that I can support. Why in the heck are Americans so friggin' smiley, anyway? It doesn't make the fast food burger taste any better. At least here I don't look like an unusually crabby bitch when I walk down the street scowling.

The big weirdness is that one of the professors looks exactly like Nicholas Cage. It's seriously freakish. I don't know what his real name is, but from now on, he's Professor Nickolai.

Katia, Kate, Sofia (another Amerikanka) and I went out for pizza between classes. Once again, we immediately were given the English menu, after exactly one word spoken (The server asked "how many" and Katia said, "four.") And then we got English-Speaking Sasha as our waiter. It was actually pretty cute - he seemed pleased to bust out his textbook English. But I'm still trying to figure out what kind of American Vibes we're giving off.

At the market, I found and bought an awesome black leather sachel. But the search for a plug so I can recharge my laptop continues. I'm worried - I only have like 20 minutes of power left. Can a plug even be found? Maybe Sonya can conjure one out of her magical Narnia closet.

- declared by Liusia @ 1:19 PM


Monday, September 01, 2003
In which I discover that Russia has a market economy
Saturday pretty much consisted of wandering around the city, getting used to the area around the college. Oh, and Kate and I found a restaurant called the Kazan Cafe, and I got a decent steak for 100 rubles (about three dollars). Yay, Russia! Although getting the steak was a little embarassing.

Coat check lady: Yedilicafe?
Me (in Russian): I'm sorry, again please?
Coat check lady: Yed...ili...cafe. (food or coffee?)
Me (in Russian): Oh oh. Yed.
Coat check lady (in Russian): Can I take your coats?
(Kate gives the coat check lady her coat.)
Me: No, thank you, I'm cold.
(Coat check lady flags down a server)
Coat check lady (to server): Give them the English menu.

Heh.

We also changed money, which was a barrel of monkeys. At the bank, I tried to get roubles out of my visa check card (which the sign said was possible). "2,500 roubles from my visa, please," I said. The bank girl stared at me, then said, "2,500?" disbelievingly. I did math in my head again, quickly, confirming that 2,500 was around $80. "Um, yes?" I replied. She glared at me, then fussed with the machine thing for about 10 minutes, grumbling to herself. I though I was being in some way stupid, but then finally she called over another teller, who explained to her how to work the machine, and bitched at her for being dumb. So I guess she was just pissy because she didn't know how to do it. But now I've discovered that the ATMs dispense both roubles and dollars, so I won't have to go back to the crabby, crabby bank.

This morning, I was kind of tired, but not jetlagged, just my usual morning crabbiness. Kate and I met up with Katia and her boyfriend Anton, who is also visiting St. Petersburg, and took the metro to this absolutely awesome place called the Tea Spoon. Dude, you guys, it's like a McBlini! (For those of you without Polish grandmas, blini are like cute little pancakes folded up with some kind of meat or fruit filling.) It's a fast food blini place! I ordered an apple blinchiki with honey, and black tea. You get a little single serving fast food teapot and tea cup! And then the guy whips up a blini! I don't know what the hell my poli sci textbook was talking about, saying that Russia was having trouble embracing capitalism. Based on the McBlini and all the little shops set up all over the street and in the metro, and the guy hawking tourist boat rides at every canal, I think Russia is figuring things out. Anyway.

We walked down Bolshoi Prospekt, a shopping area, and I discovered that Russian storekeepers have a disturbing affinity for animatronic window decorations. In almost every window there were all these hugely creepy dudes sporting suits or cooking or reading books. Aiee. And Katia says she found an anamatronic Pushkin up the street by the Bronze Horseman! So weird. I did find and purchase some very spiffy winter boots in black leather. They're skintight and come up to my knees. Rock. I didn't have room in my suitcase to bring mine from home, but these are better.

Pirates of the Caribbean is on all the marquees. I think I need to go see it in Russian. It'll be, um, educational. A real vocabulary builder.



At three, I returned to the hotel to meet my host family. But that's whole 'nother entry.

- declared by Liusia @ 6:47 AM

 

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